246 Sample Risk Free Review
A Section of the In Progress Report
He---y Everyone *VBS*...on behalf of Nikki and I, WELCOME!! Are you ready to rock?? "Jim, please dude...get real will you?" But I am...*LOL*
Anyways...below you will find a sample section of a risk-free in progress report written by a former student, Aaron Aldorisio. Although it is possible to scan a document in with my handwritten comments (and we will be experimenting with that option soon), I fear the resolution quality will be poor. Hence, for now, Nikki has enclosed my comments within brackets [ ] and as close as possible to the "problematical content".
For example, a sentence might read: The Salvation Army chooses to deal with [change by using cope with, manage, confront...] this [generic subject] by petitioning the local government.
The initial sentence---though it does not appear---would read:
The Salvation Army chooses to deal with this by petitioning the local government.
As I mentioned in class, this is our first attempt to provide a risk free version of copy on the web. If you have any suggestions to enhance its utility, please touch base with Nikki at ncaso@luc.edu. Be good to yourselves....*S*....
Aaron Aldorisio (1999)
Sample Risk-Free Version
Section 1
Our research group seeks to find and understand the types of communication present in support groups for homeless people. The site we are focusing on is a Salvation Army center located on Broadway Avenue, between Wilson and Montrose, in Chicago, Illinois. The support groups that we are observing occur on Saturday and Sunday mornings and deal with [center on] topics ranging from job searching to drug and alcohol abuse. Support groups meet at various times throughout the week. The Salvation Army center is located in an impoverished area that features a large transient population. [H]ence, specific group meetings are rarely attended by the same person twice.
For someone to participate in the support groups at this particular Salvation Army, they must have a pass that is updated every few weeks. In order [superfluous][T]o obtain this pass, an individual must meet with a caseworker and arrange regular private meetings as well. Aside from the people [individuals] attending the meeting, there is also a facilitator and a handful of security guards. Everyone must pass through a metal-dector and leave their baggage at the door before entering the support group.
Before examining the communication at this specific site, it is important to look at [examine] the Salvation Army's Mission Statement from their web page:
The Salvation Army, founded in 1865, an international religious and charitable organization, is an evangelical part of the universal Christian Church. It is organized and operated in a quasi-military pattern. Its membership includes officers (clergy), soldiers, members of varied activity groups and volunteers who serve as advisors; associates who are committed participants in its service functions.
Its message is based on the Bible. Its ministry is motivated by the love of God and practical concern for the needs of humanity. Its mission is to preach the gospel of Christ and to meet human needs in His name without discrimination by supplying human necessities, providing personal regeneration and physical rehabilitation of all persons in need who come within its influence, regardless of race, color, creed, sex or age. [Cite the web address]
It is clear the Salvation Army site that we are focusing on adheres to the religious ideals that their mission statement outlines. There is an optional religious service every morning before the group sessions begin. The required identification cards and checkpoint at the door reflect the military structure that the mission statement refers to [describe]. For the most part, our site appears to adhere to the intent manifested in the mission statement.
It is the military structure outlined in the mission statement that seems to shape the way people[individuals] communicate at the Salvation Army. The fact that the word "army" is used in the title immediately alludes to military imagery and terminology. The fact that the organization is a hierarchy with cadets, lieutenants, and captains also adds to the military theme. It is safe to say that this military-like structure is going to inhibit certain individuals from saying certain things to people who are of a higher rank. [Elaboration needed--why? which individuals? types of topics? Vague]
Another way in which "quasi-military" ideals are enforced is through the organization's creation of its own set of terms. The web site offers a full glossary of words that are used by the Salvation Army. These terms serve as a guideline of sorts for people [individuals] entering the organization, be it as facilitators or participants. It is [thus] apparent through the group’s literature that they are a very structured and rule-based organization [ No Prior Foundation --Elaboration needed].
Judging from experience at our site, it would seem as if site-specific rules are made up demanding upon the location and nature of the group meetings. Lindsay observed a group participant attempting to bring a cigarette into one of the meetings. Although the cigarette was not lit, and the man claimed to have no intention of smoking it in the building, he was immediately asked to take it outside. Other locations, in less "dangerous" neighborhoods, also might not enforce the metal-detector policy used at this site.
The Salvation Army has been active in Chicago since March of 1885. Their web site provides a detailed description of their activity in the city over the last 100 years. Over this time period, the Salvation Army has continually created new centers, programs, and support groups in order [superfluous] to benefit the Chicago community. They have been active in the "Uptown" neighborhood, the location of our site, since 1969. This tradition of commitment and growth in Chicago is clearly an influence on the diverse and ever-expanding repertoire of support groups available at our specific location.
After visiting the site for a preparatory meeting and researching the history of the organization, the baggage that I enter this project with is considerably increased, considering I am already apprehensive about the location of the site. Having passed through the area by car or [EL] throughout the 4 years I have lived in Chicago, I knew that this was a neighborhood I never wanted to visit. It seemed depressing, with litter in the street, liquor stores on the corner, and homeless people wandering about [and we know they're homeless since . . .elaborate]. I was especially frightened by the large line of shabby looking people that I would often see outside of the Salvation Army. Having grown up in a middle-class suburb of Indianapolis, the lifestyle that many people lead in this neighborhood was one that I knew very little about. I assumed that these people were dangerous and uncivilized.
When I started researching the Salvation Army itself, I became apprehensive about the organization. To me, it seemed like their mission is to force Christianity upon people, which is something that really turns me off [change the wording, not the meaning]. On top of that [In addition], there was the military structure. I am even more confused and frightened by the military lifestyle than I am by Christianity. Nonetheless, it is important for me to put aside all of [-- not possible; opt for a tempered view -- place in perspective] my personal thoughts and apprehensions to gain a good understanding of the communication processes at work during the support group sessions sponsored by this Salvation Army [superfluous].
Although I have not attended a group session at the time of this writing and my information is somewhat unorganized at this point, I feel that there is a lot to be gained from our research. Lindsay has already been to a session and I plan to attend two this upcoming weekend (4/10-4/11). Her visit provided a wealth of information about the community surrounding these support groups. A new focus of our study might be on this community, rather than on the group meetings themselves. [Advantages/disadvantages of such a focus?] Another important piece of information Lindsay uncovered is the fact [superfluous] that some people only attend the group meetings in order [superfluous] to get the free coffee and snacks served by the organization. [and we know this by?!] As this is merely an in-progress report, it does not convey the full depth of study. [Understandable]
**************Jim Speaking Again******************
Notice the shift from 3rd person early in the section to 1st person in the latter passages. In much qualitative writing, such a shift is appropo since describing oneself in the third person can become quite stilted and awkward.
Note that in Risk Free Reviews, only limitations are identified. My positive comments will appear in the final version. Why? It would be superfluous to do it twice.
In the passages above, there is a violation of one of the BIG3 Assumptions of Naturalistic Research. ID the assumption and explain your reasoning in 4-5 sentences. Send your brief write-up to ncaso@luc.edu for participation point consideration.
Anyways...below you will find a sample section of a risk-free in progress report written by a former student, Aaron Aldorisio. Although it is possible to scan a document in with my handwritten comments (and we will be experimenting with that option soon), I fear the resolution quality will be poor. Hence, for now, Nikki has enclosed my comments within brackets [ ] and as close as possible to the "problematical content".
For example, a sentence might read: The Salvation Army chooses to deal with [change by using cope with, manage, confront...] this [generic subject] by petitioning the local government.
The initial sentence---though it does not appear---would read:
The Salvation Army chooses to deal with this by petitioning the local government.
As I mentioned in class, this is our first attempt to provide a risk free version of copy on the web. If you have any suggestions to enhance its utility, please touch base with Nikki at ncaso@luc.edu. Be good to yourselves....*S*....
Aaron Aldorisio (1999)
Sample Risk-Free Version
Section 1
Our research group seeks to find and understand the types of communication present in support groups for homeless people. The site we are focusing on is a Salvation Army center located on Broadway Avenue, between Wilson and Montrose, in Chicago, Illinois. The support groups that we are observing occur on Saturday and Sunday mornings and deal with [center on] topics ranging from job searching to drug and alcohol abuse. Support groups meet at various times throughout the week. The Salvation Army center is located in an impoverished area that features a large transient population. [H]ence, specific group meetings are rarely attended by the same person twice.
For someone to participate in the support groups at this particular Salvation Army, they must have a pass that is updated every few weeks. In order [superfluous][T]o obtain this pass, an individual must meet with a caseworker and arrange regular private meetings as well. Aside from the people [individuals] attending the meeting, there is also a facilitator and a handful of security guards. Everyone must pass through a metal-dector and leave their baggage at the door before entering the support group.
Before examining the communication at this specific site, it is important to look at [examine] the Salvation Army's Mission Statement from their web page:
The Salvation Army, founded in 1865, an international religious and charitable organization, is an evangelical part of the universal Christian Church. It is organized and operated in a quasi-military pattern. Its membership includes officers (clergy), soldiers, members of varied activity groups and volunteers who serve as advisors; associates who are committed participants in its service functions.
Its message is based on the Bible. Its ministry is motivated by the love of God and practical concern for the needs of humanity. Its mission is to preach the gospel of Christ and to meet human needs in His name without discrimination by supplying human necessities, providing personal regeneration and physical rehabilitation of all persons in need who come within its influence, regardless of race, color, creed, sex or age. [Cite the web address]
It is clear the Salvation Army site that we are focusing on adheres to the religious ideals that their mission statement outlines. There is an optional religious service every morning before the group sessions begin. The required identification cards and checkpoint at the door reflect the military structure that the mission statement refers to [describe]. For the most part, our site appears to adhere to the intent manifested in the mission statement.
It is the military structure outlined in the mission statement that seems to shape the way people[individuals] communicate at the Salvation Army. The fact that the word "army" is used in the title immediately alludes to military imagery and terminology. The fact that the organization is a hierarchy with cadets, lieutenants, and captains also adds to the military theme. It is safe to say that this military-like structure is going to inhibit certain individuals from saying certain things to people who are of a higher rank. [Elaboration needed--why? which individuals? types of topics? Vague]
Another way in which "quasi-military" ideals are enforced is through the organization's creation of its own set of terms. The web site offers a full glossary of words that are used by the Salvation Army. These terms serve as a guideline of sorts for people [individuals] entering the organization, be it as facilitators or participants. It is [thus] apparent through the group’s literature that they are a very structured and rule-based organization [ No Prior Foundation --Elaboration needed].
Judging from experience at our site, it would seem as if site-specific rules are made up demanding upon the location and nature of the group meetings. Lindsay observed a group participant attempting to bring a cigarette into one of the meetings. Although the cigarette was not lit, and the man claimed to have no intention of smoking it in the building, he was immediately asked to take it outside. Other locations, in less "dangerous" neighborhoods, also might not enforce the metal-detector policy used at this site.
The Salvation Army has been active in Chicago since March of 1885. Their web site provides a detailed description of their activity in the city over the last 100 years. Over this time period, the Salvation Army has continually created new centers, programs, and support groups in order [superfluous] to benefit the Chicago community. They have been active in the "Uptown" neighborhood, the location of our site, since 1969. This tradition of commitment and growth in Chicago is clearly an influence on the diverse and ever-expanding repertoire of support groups available at our specific location.
After visiting the site for a preparatory meeting and researching the history of the organization, the baggage that I enter this project with is considerably increased, considering I am already apprehensive about the location of the site. Having passed through the area by car or [EL] throughout the 4 years I have lived in Chicago, I knew that this was a neighborhood I never wanted to visit. It seemed depressing, with litter in the street, liquor stores on the corner, and homeless people wandering about [and we know they're homeless since . . .elaborate]. I was especially frightened by the large line of shabby looking people that I would often see outside of the Salvation Army. Having grown up in a middle-class suburb of Indianapolis, the lifestyle that many people lead in this neighborhood was one that I knew very little about. I assumed that these people were dangerous and uncivilized.
When I started researching the Salvation Army itself, I became apprehensive about the organization. To me, it seemed like their mission is to force Christianity upon people, which is something that really turns me off [change the wording, not the meaning]. On top of that [In addition], there was the military structure. I am even more confused and frightened by the military lifestyle than I am by Christianity. Nonetheless, it is important for me to put aside all of [-- not possible; opt for a tempered view -- place in perspective] my personal thoughts and apprehensions to gain a good understanding of the communication processes at work during the support group sessions sponsored by this Salvation Army [superfluous].
Although I have not attended a group session at the time of this writing and my information is somewhat unorganized at this point, I feel that there is a lot to be gained from our research. Lindsay has already been to a session and I plan to attend two this upcoming weekend (4/10-4/11). Her visit provided a wealth of information about the community surrounding these support groups. A new focus of our study might be on this community, rather than on the group meetings themselves. [Advantages/disadvantages of such a focus?] Another important piece of information Lindsay uncovered is the fact [superfluous] that some people only attend the group meetings in order [superfluous] to get the free coffee and snacks served by the organization. [and we know this by?!] As this is merely an in-progress report, it does not convey the full depth of study. [Understandable]
**************Jim Speaking Again******************
Notice the shift from 3rd person early in the section to 1st person in the latter passages. In much qualitative writing, such a shift is appropo since describing oneself in the third person can become quite stilted and awkward.
Note that in Risk Free Reviews, only limitations are identified. My positive comments will appear in the final version. Why? It would be superfluous to do it twice.
In the passages above, there is a violation of one of the BIG3 Assumptions of Naturalistic Research. ID the assumption and explain your reasoning in 4-5 sentences. Send your brief write-up to ncaso@luc.edu for participation point consideration.
